When I first went to the field as a young wife and mother, I was filled with fears and trepidation—not because of the new culture and language. I was brought up on the mission field and knew that different cultures could be challenging but fascinating, and a new language was something to be conquered. What terrified me was the fear of failing to “come up to the mark.”
In my immaturity, that mark was connected to what I thought GFA and our supporting churches were looking for. I put my best effort into being a model wife, mother, and missionary, but I didn’t realize that my focus was totally wrong. It wasn’t to bring glory to the Lord or to help make my husband’s ministry be successful or to see souls saved. I know now that it was pride. How horrible if a supporting church decided to drop our support because they weren’t seeing the results they thought they should! Or, heaven forbid that GFA would call us on the carpet because we weren’t being as productive or successful as other coworkers.
Misplaced goals. Wrong focus. I was thinking about me and trying to protect myself rather than serving the Lord with all my heart. But in his mercy, God knows how to mold His children and make them what He wants them to be.
I want to share one of the many things God used in my life, and probably the most impacting experience that changed my focus. Some Americans came to visit. We had never met them, so it was impossible for them to know what my spiritual condition was. They didn’t know that I was in a desert. On autopilot. Doing everything “right,” but something was wrong. And in my pride (again!), I just struggled along. After all, I was a missionary wife—who would I open up to and admit that I didn’t have all the answers? Way too risky!
God put it on the heart of one of our guests to bring me a copy of Marty Collier’s book, What Do I Know About My God? If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It’s very simple and straightforward, and God used it to totally change my focus.
If you’ve read the book but haven’t done the notebook project, I recommend you go back and do it. If you have done that, then you’ll understand what I’m going to share. As I started my notebook and began writing down the attributes of God, there was nothing new in the list. I knew God was holy and just and omniscient and loving and all the rest. But as I wrote down the attribute of God and then copied out longhand all the verses I could find that talked about that particular attribute, things began to change. I spent hours and weeks doing this. My soul was starved. I was in the desert, but now I was being fed.
I think it would be impossible for anybody to spend that much time focusing on the person of God without big changes taking place. I wasn’t looking at what God had done for me, or what God could do for me. And I wasn’t looking so much at His promises as I was at His person—Who He is. You can’t spend hours and hours focusing on HIM without changing—at least I couldn’t. The more I copied verses, the more I got to know my God. As I got to know Him better, I loved Him more, and the more I loved Him, the better He equipped me to serve Him.
Consecration is not an event; it’s a journey, a process. There are still times when I take my eyes off the Lord and immediately sense the difference in my ministry and my private spiritual life. But God is merciful, and by turning my eyes and my focus back on HIM, He graciously reminds me that it’s not about me, but all about HIM.
Focusing on HIM and not on me or what others may think of me and my ministry has given me freedom that I didn’t have before. Why do YOU do what you do in your ministry? Do you know our God well enough to be able to ask yourself, “What do I know about my God that will guide and direct me in this particular situation?”