I shifted awkwardly on the molded plastic bench. McDonald’s seating wasn’t designed for long-term comfort, and the three of us had been crowded around the tiny table for nearly five hours, trying to reach a consensus about the direction our ministry work should take. The topic was nearly as uncomfortable as the furniture. What we had all hoped would be a straightforward discussion to clear up some misunderstandings had turned into a laborious grind. By the end of the first hour, it was evident that the two approaches to church work we were considering were mutually exclusive. Worse yet, this wasn’t a chat between potential partners; the three of us had been working together in team ministry for nearly five years. A change in our situations brought about by the global pandemic had created an opportunity to take the work in a new direction. Two of us were enthusiastic about the wonderful possibility toward which God might be leading us. And one of us was convinced that going that way would be a huge mistake: practically, theologically, and interpersonally.
You might have found yourself in a similar situation (though I hope your chair was more comfortable). Team ministry has been a wonderful experience for me—shared burdens, shared encouragement, shared labor, and a fuller sense of God’s work through the church. However, when team members are pulled in different directions by their consciences, convictions, or sense of calling, it can be deeply painful. I make no claim to having special insight or amazing spiritual success in this area, but here by God’s grace are a few lessons I learned along the way.
I need to pray for my differing brothers.
On a purely practical level, this is the first and most important thing. Conversations about clashing ministry can be hard, and sometimes harder when the brother or sister across the table isn’t doing anything wrong … except threatening the future of the ministry with their off-base convictions! That guy has let his church background, his training, or his circumstances take what ought to be a tertiary concern and push it way forward, and now what’s going to happen to our church?! If I had let it, this little soundtrack would have been playing on repeat in my head for about six months … and of course, the other two brothers with whom I had been working were being tempted to think exactly the same thing!
What God used to defuse this was prayer: not prayer for me, or prayer that God would resolve the situation. Rather, it was prayer on behalf of the other brothers: thanking God for their years of faithful ministry, for their gifts, for their unique personalities, for how they had been used, and for allowing me to learn so much from them. I needed to pray that God would bless their work, increase their positive reputation, and enrich them spiritually far beyond their expectation. I needed to pray for each member of their families and for each aspect of their circumstance. God knew that I needed to serve them (per 2 Corinthians 1:11) in a way that they would not be aware of or be able to thank me for. As I did so, again and again the Holy Spirit siphoned off my frustration and replaced it with peace and gratitude.
Maybe God is calling me to set my ministry vision aside.
Every ministry disagreement is different. But for me, two things became increasingly clear: first, that my personal convictions about what we should do were not going to change. The longer I examined the arguments being urged on me, the more I was convinced that they did not have a proper Biblical basis. I was sure that my suggested approach would be better for our people, better for our outreach, and better for the churches around us. But the second thing that was becoming clear was that it was okay if that didn’t happen. The church of Jesus Christ is big—cosmic, even. And if God calls people to serve in local assemblies as diverse as Corinth, Rome, Galatia, Smyrna, Pergamum, and Laodicea, maybe He was calling me to serve in a place where my own convictions were sidelined. After all, our differences were not a matter of central Bible doctrines. At the same time, my sense of calling and obligation to the families and individuals that make up our church was as strong as ever. I knew that I could set aside the practice of my convictions in the church, but I did not feel freedom to set aside the people with whom I was working. After all, it was going to have to be one or the other.
Humility is what I need most.
I was often tempted to think that what I needed was wisdom and clarity from God about the direction I should take. Sometimes I even thought that what I really needed was the perfect argument to convince my brothers that my path was best. But then I began to realize that I was mistaken. What I needed more than anything else was humility.
As God worked on my heart, my guiding truths during these conflicts became passages such as, “in humility, count others more significant than yourselves”1 (Philippians 2:3); “love one another earnestly, out of a pure heart” (1Peter 1:22); and “let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up” (Romans 15:2). I don’t want you to get the wrong idea—I struggled every day. At stake was my ministry, my church, my life. I often grappled with the conflict of being asked to lead, but to lead in a direction I didn’t want to be going. But when my frustration rose, so did the image of our Lord: ministering to the uncomprehending, unappreciative, unresponsive, and uncooperative—and that was just the disciples! So, it seemed inappropriate for me to be bent out of shape about this. Instead, I should go the way that Jesus had laid out: humility, humility, and more humility.
Nothing ended the way I thought it would. One brother left our church to minister elsewhere. I stayed, along with the other guy, and we worked together until a completely unexpected event beyond our control forced the sudden and permanent dissolution of our assembly six months later. The only way that God’s direct intervention could have been more obvious is if He’d written GO HOME in the sky. Today, we live in three different cities, ministering in three churches with different approaches and cultures.
Sometime sooner than I expect, no doubt, another conflict will arise. But God’s purposes for His church—humility, love, deference, and peace—will continue to be the same.
1 Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the ESV® (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), Copyright © 2008 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.