After leaving my home at sun-up and spending the entire day meeting the medical needs of this small community in the highlands of the Simbu province, I have finally arrived back home around dusk. My brain and body feel a bit like a jello jiggler after standing most of the day and sorting through the signs and symptoms of the 50 or so patients that came during regular hours, so calories and a chair are pretty high on the priority list. But about five minutes after arriving home and starting to procure those calories, I hear some murmurings at my gate and look out to see a collection of people arriving for—you guessed it—help with medical needs. A feverish baby that, “Oh yes, he wasn’t sick at all until about 2 p.m., I promise, and now he’s just been miserable all afternoon!” And, “Hey you need to see Sandra. She just cut her foot with an axe while she was splitting firewood!” And, “Yes, my daughter whom you told me to take to town several weeks ago to be checked for TB, she now has right-sided weakness, and well, it wasn’t convenient to get over to the clinic today, so I came here.”
Fallen Flat . . . Again
Knowing my propensity to deal harshly with these additional requests after a long day, I make an exasperated gesture with my hands, leave my gate, and retreat behind my house, my intention being to get out of view for a few seconds, quash the hotness rising in my heart, and coach myself into being pleasant. Returning to my gate, I find that the parties requesting help have angrily stormed off, chastising me for being angry and unhelpful. My voice rises, and I hear myself shouting various ridiculous responses at their retreating backs. Some of them return and accept my immediate apology for the warmth of my reaction. One does not and instead stomps off, declaring that he doesn’t want my help anyway. I have broken the Simbu cultural rule of always accepting visitors and requests with cordiality and enthusiasm. For a Simbu there is no other option. On the rare occasion when you actually decline to help someone, it is done with great delicacy and diplomacy, involving a lot of pleasantries and smiles. Well, I was short on pleasantries and smiles at that moment and my ditching them at the gate to collect myself behind the house was perceived as highly insulting and inflammatory.
I have fallen flat on my spiritual face again. Once again it is evident that I cannot meet the sometimes-high demands of cross-cultural living in Papua New Guinea in my own strength. In front of the people whom I believe God has called me to serve, I have not been a servant. When I am treated like a servant and when my “right” to a bit of peace is challenged, I bristle and lash out in self-defense.
Looking for Help . . . Again
After giving a bit of medical advice, I head back inside disturbed and discouraged and look for help in my go-to spot—the Psalms. God takes me to Psalm 25:4-12. In verse 9, I learn that He delights to help and instruct the humble, those, who in the context of the Psalm, realize their sinfulness and are repentant. Verse 9 says, “He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way” (ESV). While that wouldn’t have been an earth-shattering concept on any other day of the week, it is exactly the exhortation and encouragement that is needed today. The meaning of the word translated as “humble” here can also mean one who “prefers to bear injuries rather than return them.” [i]
I see this from two perspectives. At this moment I am humbled and frustrated by my inability to be a Christ-like servant. In a sense this is a good place to be. This Psalm teaches me that it is not a place to despair, but a place to become teachable. God encourages me by stating that He loves to help those who have failed but have a repentant mindset.
From another perspective, this humbleness or meekness is a character trait that God desires to develop in me. If I am consistently obedient to Christ’s example and “prefer to bear injuries” rather than defend my rights, I will be more open to His guidance and less reliant on my ideas about living and ministering among the people whom He has called me to serve.
Humbled and Encouraged
I wrestle through these thoughts, being simultaneously humbled and encouraged, and I am eventually able to pray for God to give me an opportunity to apologize to the man who stomped off. He is from a hamlet on the other side of the mountain, and I rarely see him. God is gracious, and a few days later he miraculously shows up in my neighborhood and is willing to hear an apology. He also manages to work in some rather pointed observations about my character! Remembering what God has been teaching me lately, I surprise him by agreeing with his assessment and explain how, even as a “Christian worker,” I am unable to live up to God’s standards and am totally reliant on God’s grace for salvation and daily living.
God has allowed me to fail, but in the midst of that failure, He also teaches me that He will be with the repentant and guide and give grace for meek living in the daily scrum of a fallen world. That’s good news, and it gives strength for the next minutes, hours, and days of continued service!
[i] Tregelles, Samuel, translator. Gesenius’ Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon to the Old Testament by William Gesenius, Baker Book House, 1979.