Regret Can Feel Hopeless

Have you ever had a deep sense of regret? Have you ever replayed in your mind something you did in your past and thought, If only I could do that over again?

Worry looks to the future and asks, What if? Regret looks backward to the past and says, If only. Though past sins may be confessed and forgiven, their memory can haunt the conscience and tempt both believers and unbelievers toward hopelessness. Unbelievers may consider their sins of the past to be so heinous that they are beyond God’s grace for salvation. Believers can be overwhelmed with their regrets of the past and present, driving them to wonder if God could ever use them.

Regret Says, If Only

For many of us, even the slightest amount of introspection will yield an if only thought: If only I had loved my children better, had listened to my parents, had maintained a pure life, hadn’t looked at pornography, hadn’t married this person, hadn’t been so lazy, hadn’t gotten an abortion, hadn’t abused alcohol and drugs. If only I knew then what I know now. All people have something they have done that they wish they could undo. It would be impossible, and even prideful, to look back on your life and say, No regrets.

Proverbs 5:11–14 describes the groans of a man who regrets his sinful past:

And at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, And you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.”^[1]

Regrets are inevitable. Regrets are painful. They can yield hopelessness and a self-focus that can be deeply destructive.

Regret is Paul’s Platform to Minister Hope

But regrets can also be redeemed for God’s glory and the good of others. We cannot look to Jesus for an example of how to redeem regret, since He had none. But the Apostle Paul had many potential opportunities for deep regret; his past life was characterized by self-righteousness and grievous sin that caused irreparable damage to many Christians.

How did Paul handle the sins of his past and continue in fruitful service to the Lord? After he was converted, he could have sabotaged his own ministry if he had not handled the if onlys of his former life properly. But rather than allowing himself to get stuck in his regret, Paul does something different: he redeems his past by being transparent about it and using it as a platform to benefit others.

In 1 Timothy 1:13, Paul is transparent about his sinful past for our benefit. He describes himself as a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. Paul concludes: “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (v.15)

No doubt Paul regretted his past sin. But he was willing to humble himself and use his past to provide hope to the unbeliever who might consider the if onlys of his or her past and conclude, My sins are too great for God to forgive.

In Philippians 3:6, Paul once again recounts his regretful past, describing himself as a self-righteous persecutor of the church. But rather than wallowing in his past sin—the years lost, the damage he inflicted on Christians—Paul is willing to redeem his regret and use it for our benefit: “Brothers ... one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13–14).

Paul’s past enables him to provide great hope for believers who may be paralyzed by their if onlys and conclude, I have sinned too much for God to use me.

You Can Redeem Your Regret

Are you struggling with your if onlys? Like Paul, you must be willing to be wisely transparent about your life. You must also guard against allowing your past sins to turn you inward in a self-focused cycle of guilt and shame. Instead, commit to redeeming your regrets for the good of others and the glory of God.

The following are three steps to consider:

1. Repent of your past sins while resting in God’s forgiveness and providence. You need not be weighed down by the debt of your past sin, because God, by the work of Christ, has forgiven us “... by canceling the record of debt that stood against us ... nailing it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14). God sovereignly works even through evil circumstances for the good of His people (see Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28). Your regrets of the past should enable you to grow in the present and be used by God more effectively. No regrets means little growth. No regrets means limited ministry to others. Your past sin should humble you and enable you to relate to others who struggle with sin. Few struggling people want to receive help from someone who appears to have never wrestled with sin or failure. Ask yourself: What kind of person would you be if you had no regrets?
2. Resist the temptation to glorify your past sin. Glorifying sin reeks of self-promotion. Be wise, and don’t share unnecessary details. Are you leaving your hearers with the temptation to regret that they don’t have a past to glory in?
3. Recount your regrets to others. Humbly ask the Lord to use your regrets for their benefit. Ask Him to help you to glorify only Him, not yourself.

Regret Can Be Your Testimony of Hope and God’s Grace

When you redeem your regrets, God could use you as physical proof that a person’s former life does not need to determine his or her destiny. Consider the possibilities:

• The former drunkard could become the most effective minister to those who are enslaved to alcohol and drugs.
• The woman who has had an abortion might be used by God to exhort the woman who has an unwanted pregnancy with mercy and grace.
• The one who has been redeemed from an immoral lifestyle and uses that testimony for God’s glory could become one of the most compelling proofs that now you are different (see 1 Corinthians 6:9–11).

Through Christ, our greatest failures can become testimonies of His greatest grace. Rather than remaining imprisoned by regret, believers can use even painful memories of the past to point others to the hope of a Savior who forgives sinners and transforms lives.

Reflection Questions

1. In what ways have you allowed your past regrets to inhibit your spiritual growth and ministry to others?

2. In what ways have your past regrets helped you to grow and be more effective in your life and ministry to others?

3. If you have been hindered by your regrets, how can you redeem them for God’s glory?